


It’s For The Best

by G_L_g



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, M/M, Masturbation, but - Freeform, but not really masturbation, eh, i could take it out, like its not prominent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-08
Updated: 2015-12-13
Packaged: 2018-03-29 15:01:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 6,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3900583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/G_L_g/pseuds/G_L_g
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What are you even supposed to do when you start liking your teammate?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I would really like to continue this, athough i should do some revision. haha

It had been five months since he joined the swim team, and five and a half since he first saw Nagisa Hazuki. 

When he looked at it now, he honestly couldn’t see why he Nagisa chose him, but he’s certainly glad he did. He thinks.

It wasn’t that his feelings for Nagisa made him sad – how could they? – but he did feel bad for lying. That was definitely the last thing he wanted to be doing, especially to Nagisa. Well, Rei didn’t want to be lying to anyone, that was just the kind of person he was, but when it came to a particular penguin-loving boy he couldn’t help but feel an extra sting of betrayal.  
And, in a way, it was himself who he was trying to kid, just as much as everyone else. 

Nagisa was a good person, that’s probably how he fell in love with him in the first place, and Nagisa never expressed anything of the sort towards him. Nothing beyond the usual friendliness and the incessant need to add the honorific “-chan” to his name. But then again he did that to everyone, which kind of made Rei feel lonely.  
So he decided, all on his own, because he didn’t want to make things awkward for anyone, and he really did cherish his newfound friends on the swim team, that he would keep it bottled up.

It was for the best.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was a reason I chose him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is from Nagisa's perspective btw just so noone gets confused.  
> I'll probably swap beteween first person and different people. Sorry for the inconsistency, I kind of just use what method I think is most effective for the storytelling.  
> this chapter turned out to be way longer than expected, but i really enjoyed writing this, even though im kinda depressed now cause i get so into the character aaahhh ill try and write as fast as possible so i can get to the happy stuff soon haha Also there will be some swearing, sorry if this bothers you.

Fuck, is it tiring.  
Having to pretend every day.

Maybe I shouldn’t have asked Rei to join the swim team.  
It’s torture.

Maybe having a bubbly personality makes it all the more exhausting.  
Maybe it makes it easier. At least then it’s less obvious when I’m faking...

Or what if it isn’t? What if it’s totally obvious? I mean, Rei has been I little odd as of late. Have I been acting like a total doof in front of him the whole time?  
Maybe I should just confess. At least then he can reject me properly and I can move on.

I pick up my phone and swipe away any useless nitifications, and decide to consult good ol' mama Makoto.

_To: Mako-chan_  
_Hey, Mako-chan! I know this is a bit random but you and Haru-chan are dating right?_

_From: Mako-chan_  
_Ehh..?!?! Why would you ask that?!!?_

I can feel him blush and jump in that surprisingly feminine way of his.

_To: Mako-chan_  
_Oh, come on! I’ve seen the way Haru-chan looks at you when someone other than you puts their arm around him. And I saw the way you looked at him when he helped Nitori-chan up at the festival! ;P_

_From: Mako-chan_  
_Well… uuuhhh. In a word, yes. ･:*:･(*/////∇/////*)･:*:･_  
_I know you probably wouldn’t anyway, but please don’t tell anyone! Especially not Haru, he’ll never forgive me!_

I kind of knew already, and I’m not one of those people who goes around spreading lies for the fun of it – I know what it feels like to be on the receiving end.

_To: Mako-chan_  
_No problem! I kind of had a feeling anyway, good for you! <3_  
_How did you confess?_

Hopefully he won’t catch on to why I was asking.

_From: Mako-chan_  
_Actually it was Haru who confessed to me! But it wasn’t the usual kind of confession, so sorry I can’t really help you on that front!_

Oh shit. No. I. Crap.

_To: Mako-chan_  
_What do you mean? Haha I was just being nosey!_

_From: Mako-chan_  
_Well if you ever want to talk about anything I’d be happy listen!_

Saved it.

_To: Mako-chan_  
_Thanks. See you at school tomorrow!_

_From: Mako-chan_  
_Later!_

Wow, that was way to close for comfort, but tankfull Makoto didnt press it. I’ve always respected Makoto for that, and he’s got such a friendly caring aura to him. I suppose that comes from having little siblings to look after. My sisters usually end up locking me in a room and forcing hair clips and make up on me.

Did someone just knock?

“Who is it?”

“Nanako, can I come in?”

Speak of the devil.

“Yeah, sure” I say, trying not to sound totally dejected.

“Are you okay ‘cause you’ve been really quiet and-” she stops mid-sentence upon seeing me curled up in a ball on my bed with red eyes and a sniffly nose.

“Oh my god what’s wrong?!” she’s clearly alarmed, which is an indulgence. But, well, in all fairness she does annoy me but she is my sister after all, and she loves me as much as I love her.

“Nothing.” There's no effort in my voice.

“Clearly it’s something” her persistence only serves to indulge my selfishness, which I am whole-heartedly grateful for.

“I can’t explain.” My throat is slightly raspy and sore from crying.

“Ah, love problems?”

It’s times like this where I’m happy to have older and wiser sisters who’ve already gone through the motions of adolescence.

“M.”

“Rejected confession?”

I shake my head under the cover. “No, I’m just pretty sure it’s unrequited.”

“Why?”

I explain how Rei’s been weird and stuff lately.

“Rei? Isn’t that the guy you went out for ice cream with last week? The glasses guy?”

“Yeah.” I croak with a weak nod.

“Honestly? He seems like a really nice guy. Certainly very attractive. Is he smart?”

“Very.”

“Well, he seems like he'd be a sutible boyfriend, and from what I saw he definitely didn’t seem to be avoiding you!” she says the last bit in a playful way, as if to cheer me up. And it does. In a silly sibling way. Talking helped too.

“Thanks.”

“What for?”

“Listening.”

“What are sisters for?” she says and draws me in for a hug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! this turned out to be way longer than expected so thanks for getting through that. i hope i didnt drone on. i will definately be continuing this i have a genral idea of the story so yeeeah. the comment abouut me switching perspectives still stands, purely becasue i find it difficult to express certain emotions writing in one way or another.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He hadn't expected it to be so difficult at first, but then again, he never could predict what would come out of Nagisa mouth next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> know its been forever since i posted. fortunately my english lit is out of the way and i can get right back on track with this, even if my chemistry is up soon. Yaaay  
> this is from reis perspective, because i don't feel there is enough first person rei fanfictions that show his emotions  
> there is smut in this chapter so if you dont like it, stop reading when you feel unfomfortable and go to the next chapter; the smut is until the end  
> also a bank holiday is a day off - for various reasons - and usually occur on mondays, which is nice cause you get a long weekend. i just figure id mention it cause i have no idea what its called elsewhere  
> and i have no ide if they have mountain dew in japan  
> i also apologise for making facts up about rei's family. theres just so little besides the fact that he has parents and and older brother

I unlock the door and step into the hall, kicking off my shoes and sliding my slippers on, before walking to my room and dumping my bags beside my desk.

 

For once I’m not particular about it.

 

My shoes aren’t perfectly lined up, my shirt isn’t neatly tucked in and my bags are just dumped. But I don’t have the energy today. And it’s not like anyone is around to notice.

 

I get changed and decide that I need a boost. I walk into the kitchen only to find the cupboards bare. Or at least bare of energy drinks.

 

Sighing, I slip my trainers and coat on and walk to the nearby corner shop to stock up for the weekend.

 

My parents are away for work, they often are, but they make sure to be extra nice to me when they are around. My brother left home a while ago, but he still occasionally visits, he did so just the other week, so we aren’t expecting him for a while. This means I’m left on my own in the house for the majority of the time.

 

I certainly don’t see it as sad though – lonely occasionally – but never sad. They were around much more when I was a child, so them leaving now has helped to me to become more responsible and independent. Plus I don’t get interrupted when I’m doing _things._

 

I reach the shop. Buy the necessities: a litre bottle of Mountain Dew, bread, crisps and sushi –naturally. There were things in the fridge to use up and stuff in the freezer if necessary.

 

On the way home I think of all the homework I have to do , and am thankful that it’s a bank holiday; I really need an extra day to get it all done without having to pull all-nighters.

 

When I get home I chug a good few mouthfuls of Mountain Dew and head up to my room. I take out my diary and check what homework I have. I asses which will take the longest, and therefore should be spread out to avoid boredom or complacency, think about what I want to do most right now and set to work.

 

After about two hours I check the clock (7:26 PM), stretch, take another glug of the glorious, sweet, lemon flavoured water, bottled for my enjoyment, and change over to some chemistry questions.

 

But soon I’m thinking about Nagisa. The late summer sun was beginning to set, casting a golden glow over the room, just like the colour of his hair.

No! I need to focus! “If 20ml of sodium chlo…” my voice trails off into a murmur.

 

It’s only another fifteen minutes or so and it’s getting to the point where it’s nearly impossible to read. I look out the window as the sun casts vivid pink on the clouds, like Nagisa’s eyes.

 

It’s at times like these that I stupidly remember I am home alone.

 

I think about Nagisa. About his face and how it’s just the right shape, and how his hair falls perfectly around it. Beautiful. I imagine staring into his eyes, their hugeness consuming all of me at once as I lay in bed with him in my arms.

Wait, _what?_

 

When did I start thinking about him like that?!

Palming my growing erection, I try to block the thoughts.

But somehow, like imaginary flood gates that had opened, I can’t stop.

 

I imagine what it would be like to kiss him. How soft his lips would be, how soft the rest of his skin would be. I realise how easy it would be to simply reach out on the way home and grab his hand, how easy it would be to whisk him up into my arms. I wonder how heavy he’d be.

 

Giving in, I slide down my pants and boxers.

Beginning to work my shaft, I think about what Nagisa would think if he knew.

I feel a twinge of guilt.

Luckily these acts are kept safe within the confines of my room, he doesn’t have to know.

Anyway, if it did bother me, I’m too far gone at this point.

 

I think about his warm – maybe eve hot – body pressing against mine. About what it would be like to explore his body with frenzied kisses. About how good it would be to sink into him and – as the heat grows in my crotch – watch him squirm under my each movement. I’d calculate exactly how quickly I could get him cum, the number of thrusts, and see how many times he’d reach his breaking point before I did.

 

Then, just like the last rays of light, I slip into the abyss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really hope you enjoyed this addition, and look forward to more in the future. i really enjoy writing this, so any constructive criticism is certainly welcome. your kudos has been very encouraging! and once again thank you so much for reading this.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's surprising how upsetting words can be. But then again, it's not them who are to blame. It's poeple, how they put them together, and what they mean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was going to be in first person, but i just found that it didnt work, so its in 3rd person  
> no smut this time, hope you enjoy it none the less  
> more to come soon!

As Nagisa sat on the roof with Gou, due to her questioning, they ended up on the topic of love.

 

“Do you like anyone?” she says, with no restraint. They were alone on the roof, after all.

 

“Well, do you?” Nagisa replied, not wanting to start disclosing any information yet.

 

“I asked you first!” she grumbled, “but fine. No, I don’t really like anyone. I mean, you guys are attractive, please don’t take offense, but I’m just not interested.”

 

Rei only caught the end of that sentence as he walked up the stairs. But then what Gou said next made him stop.

 

“So, back to _my_ question. Do _you_ like anyone?”

 

 _No. I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t listen to these kinds of things._ He thought. But still he remained frozen on the steps. The curiosity too strong to bare.

 

“Uh… yeah…” Nagisa said with a hint a sadness in his voice.

 

_What? Really? Who is it? Could it be me? No, probably not. There's 7 billion other people on this planet. It’s more likely that it’s one of them and not me._

 

The thoughts made his head spin and his chest constrict.

It hurt.

It hurt _so, so_ much.

But he remained motionless on the stairs. Unable to move.

 

“I’m pretty sure it’s unrequited though.” uttered Nagisa. Which got Rei thinking.

 

 _What if it_ is _me and all my furtive glances have gone unnoticed?_

 

He was faking, but he wasn’t that good of an actor. _It couldn't be me._

 

“What are you gonna do?” Gou questioned.

 

“I was thinking of just asking them out, then at least I’ll have a proper rejection and some closure.” Supposed Nagisa.

 

That when he began to come unstuck, both from the stairs, and inside.

 

“Go for it!” encouraged Gou, then added “And I’ll be around with plenty ice cream for you afterwards.”

 

But Rei could only hear a little bit of it, because he had already started to turn around, his ears drowning out the noise, as he ran down the stairs. He couldn’t even remember what he had gone to the roof to say.

 

It didn’t matter anymore.

All he could hear was Nagisa’s words ringing in his ears as he raced down the stairs.

Away from the words.

Away from the pain.

 

And he questioned, how long would he have to run for to be able to escape their echo?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading, i really do greatly appreciate it


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emotions are so odd.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yet another chapter in third person! it contnues right after the end of the last chapter but is slanted more towards nagisas perspective this time. hope you enjoy!

Nagisa though he could hear someone on the stairs, wondering who it could be he shouts out.

“Hello?” to which he gets no response

“What’s up?” asks Gou.

“I thought I heard someone.” He gets up and looks down at the stairs, taking a few steps forward to see further down, but sees nothing. “Hm. Never mind.”

He goes back to eating his lunch, idly chatting with Gou as he does. The rest of the day usually passes by in a flash. Especially swim practice, which is – undoubtedly – his favourite.

 

But today was different. It seemed to drag on, and on, and on. At least he’s in the same class as Rei, he thought to himself. He sits towards the back in the middle, while Rei is sat right near the classroom’s entrance. He can’t see his face, but he _can_ see him. And that certainly makes it more enjoyable.

 

He always acts so innocent and naïve in front of everyone, but in truth he can be quite the opposite. And today was a prime example.

 

In class, instead of listening to the explanation about who knows what, he imagined running his hands through Reis hair. Then being folded up in his arms, the warmth of the hug becoming something else – something stronger.

 

During practice he would try and sneak glimpses at Rei when he gets changed, but he was always very discrete about these things, so there has only been an odd time that he’s seen anything. Then again, the tight speedos are quite a bit of fuel anyway, and seeing that only requires to go practice.

 

In the showers at the end of practice, Nagisa gives Rei a side glance. He’s facing the wall, but he does get to see his toned, tanned muscles and the angular lines of his frame.

 

In the changing room he asks “Hey Rei-chan! Wanna go for something to eat later?” hoping to get as much time as possible with him, in the hopes of _maybe_ confessing.

 

“Uh, no thanks but thanks for the offer! I have a lot of homework to do so, maybe another time.” He replies, somewhat awkwardly at first and then giving a smile that’s boarder line grimacing.

 

“No problem!” Nagisa answers cheerfully, but he regrets asking. He’s in the same class and we hardly have any homework. If he can go out why can’t Rei? Does he not want to be with him that much? Had he done something wrong? “Well, we can at least walk home together, right?”

 

“Yeah. Sure.”

 

_That was rather subdued._

Not wanting to make things awkward, he decides he’ll ask him about it on the way home.

 

On the train they sit next to each other, but not closely. It’s quite packed, and he doesn’t want to make a scene, so he waits.

 

Finally on the road home, with no-one around he says, “Are you okay?”

 

“I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” at least now he was making an effort to try and sound a little less depressed.

 

“I dunno it’s just that since l-” then it hits him. “Wait?! Did you hear anything at lunch?”

 

“Where?”

 

Nagisa is getting annoyed now, which is certainly _not_ within his normal range of emotions. “You know where. On the stairs!”

 

A pause.

 

“No, nothing.”

 

“You paused! You clearly heard something!” his face was getting red now, with both anger and embarrassment at what Rei might have heard.

 

Rei’s chest constricted. It really did pain him to lie to his friends. “All I heard was that you like someone. I wasn’t purposely listening in.” False. “I wish you the very best of luck with them.” False.

 

At this point Nagisa was still annoyed but slightly more flustered. _He doesn’t realise it’s him._ “Thank you.” He said plainly “But it didn’t seem sincere.”

 

“Sorry.” Answered Rei, attitude showing.

 

“You don’t seem it.” Nagisa’s anger still showed. He grabbed Rei’s hand and stood in front of him, but the irritation was waning like the light of day.

 

Rei looked up from the ground at Nagisa, blushed a little but managed to cover it with his scarf, thankful that the cooling autumn air could be a scapegoat for his red face. He looked back at the ground and then looked to the side and sighed.

 

Nagisa was really worried, but decided not to press it. And instead decided to continue walking, tugging Rei a little to get him moving again.

 

They didn’t let go of one another’s hands. Until – of course – they reached the end of the road and had to part ways. Then they said their goodbyes and see you tomorrows before letting their hands slip from one another as they head in their separate directions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked it like i say each time i really enjoy writing it and want you to have as much joy as i do from it :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Control is so hard to have, but its really comforting when you do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies for this literally just being a text convo between makoto and nagisa  
> the whole story will be done soon and i aim so have smut at the end ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. What. Did that just happen?

I’m not being irrational am I?

Okay. Chill, chill. Text Makoto. He’ll know what to do. Right.

_To: Mako-chan_

_If someone held your hand what does it mean?_

_From: Mako-chan_

_Ehh? Who held your hand?_

I figure that I may as well tell him at this point.

 

_To: Mako-chan_

_Rei_

 

Waiting for his text was the longest twenty six seconds of my life.

_From: Mako-chan_

_Ahh… so that’s what was up with him. He did seem on edge in practice. When did he confess? And why didn’t you tell me you liked him sooner!_

I can’t exactly word it politely that he hasn’t confessed.

_To: Mako-chan_

_He hasn’t._

 

_From: Mako-chan_

_He hasn’t confessed? And that’s why you asked about what him holding your hand means?_

 

_To: Mako-chan_

_Yeah. I’m trying to think of a rational explanation_

 

_From: Mako-chan_

_Maybe this hands were cold?_

 

_To: Mako-chan_

_We were both wearing gloves and scarves. None of us were impaired, we did not need to hold hands._

 

_From: Mako-chan_

_Well, I figure he probably likes you then._

 

_To: Mako-chan_

_But I was getting annoyed with him because he was being quiet and he seemed…_

 

Ticked-off? Betrayed? What?

 

_lost._

 

_From: Mako-chan_

_What do you mean lost?_

 

_To: Mako-chan_

_Like he didn’t know what to do with himself. He heard me talking to Gou-chan about liking someone, and I don’t think he realised I was talking about him. I heard someone running down the stairs too. I didn’t think anything of it at the time but that must have been him. What do I do mako-chan?_ _໒_ _( •́_ _‸_ _•_ _̀ )_ _७_

 

_From: Mako-chan_

_You confess. If anything he’s super confused right now. He likes you (hopefully cause we still don’t know for sure), he’s hiding it. Then he hears that you like someone and thinks it’s someone else, then you hold his hand. He must be a mess. Please for his sake confess._

 

_To: Mako-chan_

_Wow. That_   _was_ _pretty heavy, but thanks makoto. I don’t feel so lost now. s( ^_ _‿_ _^)-b_

 

_From: Mako-chan_

_No problem! Give it your best!_ _୧_ _[ *_ _ಡ_ _▽_ _ಡ_ _* ]_ _୨_

 

Then it’s decided. Tomorrow I’m gonna confess to Rei-chan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the feels are reals. next chapter will be soon hope you enjoyed it!


	7. Chapter 7

The day started off as usual for Rei, wake up, turn off alarm, brush teeth, get his things together, breakfast – super nutritional of course – and then leave for school. This morning was slightly different however.

 

He was restless, waking up even before his alarm had gone off.

In fact, he’d had way below the recommended minimum level of sleep. Not by choice though. He’d been up all night because of Nagisa, because he was fretting, and mainly because his heart had been constantly aching since yesterday.

It was bad enough that Nagisa liked someone, but then he went and held his hand. He was happy. For a moment he forgot everything else in the world except the warm, soft comfort of his hand. And then time continued on, the moment passed, and he realised that Nagisa might not be who Rei thinks he is.

He loved him. Nagisa had made him succumb to something so illogical that he’d never even considered what procedure he’d take if he found himself under its spell.

So he just carried on.

He tried to forget.

He tried to ignore it.

But he couldn’t.

When Nagisa held his hand he _was_ happy, but then he thought about why he was holding his hand. He didn’t need to, so was he just doing it for fun? That’d be mean to the person who he liked. _Unless he liked me. No,_ _that wouldn’t make sense._ Then he started think too hard about how Nagisa is a frivolous person in general and he might be frivolous in these kinds of matters. Which didn’t match the image he has of him, and therefore kept him up all night revaluating.

He’s so deep in thought that he doesn’t think to even greet Nagisa at all, in fact, the first time he acknowledges him is at lunch, and even then it’s only because he’s trying to stuff some bread down his throat.

“Hey, Rei-chan. Are you okay? You’ve been a little out of it all day.”

“I’m just fine, thanks.” Answers Rei despondently.

“Still, I think we should go for ice cream later! To cheer you up!” suggests the blonde haired boy.

“Um, Nagisa-kun, you _are_ aware that it’s only you who is cheered up with simple things like ice cream” Rei retorts, earning a soft chuckle from Makoto.

“Still, it’s worth a try!” proclaims Nagisa. When Rei hesitates, mouth hanging open, words hanging on the end of his tongue, Nagisa shoots him a look that forces him to agree. Rei would usually agree without hesitation, but give his recent emotional development, he doesn’t want to be around him too much for fear of being found out. “Are Mako-chan and Haru-chan coming too?” Nagisa asks, giving a suggestive look to Makoto, who clocks on quickly enough to tell him that he and Haru-ch (drop the chan) have a _class project_ to be working on.

“Aww, that’s too bad. Make sure to come next time.” said Nagisa puffing his cheeks out for effect – who knew he was so good at acting?

 

It was the end of the day and Nagisa still had no idea what he was going to say. In all honesty hadn’t even expected him to agree to get ice cream with him, so – in a word – he was fucked.

“Is there anywhere you want to go in particular?” Rei asked simply.

“I guess we could just go to the usual café near the train station?” Nagisa suggests, mainly because it _is_ the usual spot that they hang out in so it doesn’t seem suspicious and also because it is – more often than not – quiet.

 

When they get there Nagisa orders a strawberry and chocolate ice cream cone, much to– actually not to Rei’s distain, in fact he shows little response at all at his non beautiful choice of flavour combination. This really made him feel uncomfortable. He then leads Rei to a secluded table at the back of the shop, making a mental note to buy some tea on the way out to calm his nerves. And because it would remind him of Rei-chan, if he somehow forgot.

“Are you okay Rei-chan?” he asks, sincerely, because he doesn’t want to come off as obnoxious when he confesses. In fact, he might not even confess at all if what’s bothering Rei isn’t anything to do with him. It could well be another issue entirely, and he could just over eagerly be misreading it.

“Nothing… well,” he pauses, unsure if he should carry on or not. “You have someone you like, right? What will you do if they don’t like you back?”

_Oh my god, no, please don’t tell me he knows. Don’t tell me he’s realised. Is this why he’s been distancing himself?_

“Well, despite how I act, I’m not really that strong or resilient a person, so I’d probably go home, cry about if for a week and then try and get over it. I wouldn’t want to keep persuading them, if they don’t like me there isn’t really anything I can do about it. While I do kinda force people to buy snacks and stuff for me, I think it’s really rude to try and force someone’s feelings like that, so I’d… I’d g-give up.” Nagisa begins welling up at the end and has to blink the tears back. What will he do if Rei doesn’t like him? He can’t bear the thought of being apart. What if he hates him because of it?

_He’s never expressed an interest in anyone in that way, what if he just isn’t into that kind of thing? He does go on about love being illogical, and he doesn’t like anything illogical, so… will he never fall in love with anyone? No that’s impossible, no one can go their whole life not loving anyone._

_But if he does fall in love with someone then it’d have to be with someone better than me._

_If he’s gonna fall in love and get married, he’ll probably marry some really smart, pretty, successful business woman. If only I’d just stuck with my parents plan and gone to a different high school and gone to university and become smart. And that’s not even forgetting the fact that I’m a guy, I don’t even think he is that way anyway._

Rei, noticing Nagisa’s distress, looks around to check no one is there and then turns to face Nagisa again.

“Hey, sorry about yesterday.”

 _What?_ That’s is not what Nagisa had been bothered about at all but clearly Rei thought otherwise.

“Uuh… i-it’s fine.” He stutters, partly out of confusion, but partly because it’s not fine at all.

“No, it’s not. I really don’t know why I did that at all, so please forget about it. It was nothing.” Rei states with a Haru level of emotion. “If you don’t mind I’ll be leaving now.” He says flatly, then finally, he leaves.


	8. The Misguided Mantra

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry if everything seems repetitive at this point, but i didnt want to make things easy for them, because of course it isnt that easy in real life. (^-^)

_It’s for the best._

_It’s for the best._

_It’s for the best._

Rei was beginning to wonder at what point in his life he had become reliant on these four simple words.

It was incredible how useful they were. They helped him with simple questions:

Why do I brush my teeth? _It’s for the best._

Why do I cook? _It’s for the best._

Why do I go to school? _It’s for the best._

And more complicated ones:

Why do I stay on the swim team? _It’s for the best._

Why don’t I tell anyone about the dreams? _It’s for the best._

Why don’t I tell Nagisa I love him? _It’s for the best._

Even if it means lying to him? _It’s for the best._

Then something came along that made him question the solid structure that those four words had built for him.

Nagisa and the stupid hand holding. But it turns out Nagisa isn’t who he thought he was and he isn’t as serious when it comes to emotions as he had expected. At least that’s the only logical explanation. Unless… -and that’s where things get difficult.

All this absentmindedness was starting to worry Rei’s mother (who would be home for another three days – Sunday evening), but she didn’t press. That’s how it had always been between Rei and his parents, neither asked unnecessary questions, which in a way nurtured his studious attitude, and resulted in him being rather secretive.

Rei opened his eyes and looked at his clock, it read 8:47PM. Judging by the crick in his neck and the pen still being held loosely in his hand, he’d thought himself to sleep. Looking at the pages splayed across the table he noted that while he had managed to do the majority of the work, the page was covered in little hearts with strawberry stalks and failed penguin drawings. And he certainly couldn’t hand the sheets in like that. Fortunately, he and Nagisa were in the same class so he could just- …well, he would ask him for the sheets so he could photocopy them to fill in (because God knows Nagisa won’t have done them already when they're only due in Monday), but that’s exactly the problem. He’d have to ask him. And he was avoiding him. Or at least _trying_ to.

But there was no other option. He picked up his phone and texted Nagisa.

_To: Nagisa-kun_

_Sorry for texting so late, but could you make sure to bring the homework sheets for Monday in tomorrow? I need to photocopy them._

_From: Nagisa-kun_

_Actually, could I stay over? I haven’t done any of the sheets myself! And rei-chan is always super helpful._

Oh no. Rei began to text a response back, but Nagisa sent another one before he could respond.

_I’d be super interested to see what your mum is like too!_

_To: Nagisa-kun_

_What? How do you know my mums home?_

He had already told Nagisa that his parents were usually away for work. So why did he seem to know that his mum was home?

_From: Nagisa-kun_

_Woow, this’ll sound super creepy rei-chan but I noticed that your lunch was different from usual. Less beautiful. So I figured your mum must have made it instead. Which would mean that she’s home? Right?_

_To: Nagisa-kun_

_Yes, she is. How observant of you! And my mother said she would be delighted to meet you!_

Rei hadn’t even said anything to his mother of course but it would seem rude and weird to refuse Nagisa’s insistent request, especially considering they had had many sleepovers over summer.

_From: Nagisa-kun_

_Awesome! (^_ _‿_ _^)-b I’ll come straight from school then?_

_To: Nagisa-kun_

_Yeah, sure_

And without even realising it, that text inevitably changed his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed it and if you have any constructive criticism, id be really greatful (^-^)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything is okay (i promise)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OML I am so sso sorry for putting this off for llike 8 monts or some shit. i had exams and then i had summer hlidays and i slep so much and then iwas on holiday and then it was back to shcools and ive had mocks but i am back and it is done :):):)  
> (ijust broke th up arrow of my keyboard fml)

When Nagisa arrived at Rei’s house he immediately dumped the heavy bags that he had been laden with all day – even though they were in the same classroom and didn’t have to do much moving “That’s not the point Rei-chan!”. He pottered into the kitchen and greeted Rei’s mother who was cheerfully humming as she sipped her te and read the newspaper.

“Ah, hello Nagisa-kun! It’s so exciting to finally see some of Rei’s friends! I honestly can’t remember the last time he had someone round! While I’ve been here that is, I know you spent a large portion or the summer holidays here. Was Rei a good host?” she babbled excitedly. Nagisa could tell it must be her he got his intense rambly habit from.

“Yes, of course! I’m sure he learned from the best!” answered Nagisa cheerfully.

Rei’s mother chuckled politely, “well, before you go dashing off is there anything you’d like?”

They sorted themselves out with drinks, were informed that dinner would be an hour or so (since she hadn’t known how long they’d be she hand cooked in advance), and headed upstairs.

They settled down opposite one another and Nagisa donned his serious face. Although he thought it was serious, Rei seemed to think he looked a little constipated, or was that a pout?

“Rei-chan.” Nagisa said sternly, brows furrowing further.

“Ah- yes?” responder Rei, having been startled out of his reverie.

“There's something that I need to tell you. Something I’d intended to tell you the other day, before you ran off that is.”

Rei’s throat tightened. He had run off hadn’t he? He didn’t mean to offend Nagisa though. Before his train of thought could get any further Nagisa began talking again.

“I don’t know when it started. But I suppose it was probably when I first saw you. You looked so focused and cool, with your sports glasses and everything.” the blonde giggled softly as he reminisced. But what Rei wanted to know was when he was an about. What was ‘it’?

“Right then and there I knew I had to have you on the team. I often worried in the earliest days that you didn’t want to be there, I still do. But my own selfish desire to have you there overrode everything else. And then recently I realised that I don’t think I could manage without you.” Nagisa looked rather forlorn at this point, wearing a weak smile.

Rei was already a little flustered. Nagisa wanted to be with him? For the first time in his life Rei felt positively giddy. He opened his mouth to say something but Nagisa started speaking again.

“Rei-chan, the reason I wanted you to stay is because I love you. And I’m sorry if you think its gross, I promise, if you just don’t kick me out tonight, and you think its gross I’ll leave if you want me to and-” at that point he looked up and saw Rei was red in the face and on the verge of tears. The blunettes hands were balled up on his lap as he kneeled, openly gawping at Nagisa. “OHmYgOd Rei-chan are you okay??” the smaller boy lurched forward and grabbed onto Rei’s upper arms, before promptly pulling back and begging for forgiveness. “I’m so sorry Rei-chan you think its gross right?! I’m sorry I’ll leave right now!!” Nagisa quickly got up and made to leave.

“DON’T!” Rei shouted, blinking and pushing the tears that had been welling up to fall.

For a moment the air stilled and they both stopped breathing. Then Rei spoke.

“Because I love you too. I have for the longest time and I could never tell you because I couldn’t risk losing you. I’ve never felt like this for anyone ever and I worried that if I told you you’d start avoiding me and I’d have to leave swim club because it’d make you feel uncomfortable but then you couldn’t go in the relay and you’re the only friend I really have. I couldn’t lose that. Even if it ment holding it in forever.”

At this point Nagisa had crumpled to the floor and was absolutely bawling.

“Even if it meant watching you go through relationships and helping you through breakups, even if one day you got married, I’d be your best man if you wanted me to. And if you moved away and we couldn’t speak as much I’d still help you to pack your stuff and wave you off with a smile. And if one day you sent me a personalised Christmas card, one with a family picture on and you had kids, id still send you one back, because I’d do anything to make you happy, even if it’s just a little bit.” Rei’s voice was turning croaky as his throat closed up. His words had faded to a whisper before Nagisa burst out.

“No! No! Rei stop I can’t take anymore” his voice sounded like it had been put through a shredder, and is face was soaked with tears. “I can’t believe you’d do that! Stop! But don’t! Still like me please! But just stop talking! My god, haha! How did you do that? Haha” he was delusional at this point and he bounded forward to wrap Rei into a tight hug. “God I love you do much.” He said, voice still sore, but he had calmed down and wiped his face.

“I love you too.”

 

Dinner was spent with furtive glances and shy smiles in-between meagre bites of their meal. Something that Rei’s mother didn’t miss. Not that she minded, as long as her son was happy, she was.

 

The evening rolled on and – even though Nagisa is usually clingy – there were lots of snuggles. No kisses. Not yet. Nagisa suspected that Rei would spontaneously combust if he tried. But he didn’t feel they needed it. They were content with the warmth from their thighs and sides pressing against one another, even if it did restrict Rei’s arm movement, something he insisted affected his performance at Mario Kart.

But today it didn’t matter, because Nagisa loved Rei and Rei loved him.


	10. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cute shit

The controllers had been cast aside, game forgotten. They now lay on the bed, blankets up to their chin, simply enjoying one another’s presence.

“Rei-chan?”

“Mmh.”               

“… Nothing …”

That was suspicious. “You sure?”

“Well…” Nagisa was determined to drag this out, “can I just call you Rei on its own now?”

Rei spluttered. The only people who called him Rei were his family. “Ah. Uh. I mean- I- well- I guess- no- I suuuh” oh god no not right now Rei this is not a good time to have a weird breakdown.

“No?” Nagisa questioned. Oh _god no, why does he sound so sad. Aaah… he sounds so sad. ;-;_

“No, no. Yeah. You can. Do that.”

“Yaaay!”

Rei’s face was red as he turned over to hide his embarrassment. Nagisa promptly snuggled up to him, putting an arm over him and awkwardly resting his head on top of Rei’s, forcing their cheeks together. After a moment Nagisa giggled before pulling back and whispering in Rei’s ear.

“Good night, Rei.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading this, if you have any questions feel free!


End file.
